Why do most people dislike getting older? When I get old I’m going to be an amazing old man. There will not be a single day I regret it. (unless I’m in pain) You may be asking yourself “GachiYellow, what is going to be so wonderful about being old.” You see when I come of age my oldness level will reach beyond the level of 9,000. I’ll do things that’ll even make old people say I’m old.
When I get old whenever it is chilly outside I will eat soup. That’s only the beginning. Not only will I eat soup on those days I’ll be decked out in what I like to call “old people socks.” (A.K.A knee-high socks) They wont be the simi stylish ones either. They will be grey, plain, and thick. They will be super thick to keep my foots warm. That’s not all. During this time I will also be in my rocking chair beside the fire. Every now and then I’ll look out the window and think about the good old days.
When I get old I’m going to drive 41 mph on the interstate. When a car tries to pass me I’m going to speed up so they can’t. When I get old I’ll carry around Icyhot like candy. When I get old every time I see a baby I’ll pull my dentures out and make funny faces to make the baby cry. When I get old I’m going to become an all-star at bingo. Only the elite will be able to challenge me. When I get old if someone says something I don’t want to hear I’ll pretend I’m near deaf. “HUH?! SPEAK UP I CANT HEAR YOU.” When I get old whenever I get into a argument with someone instead of staying on topic, I’ll give a 20 minuet speech about the “good o’ days” and how we used to walk 6 miles in the snow. I’ll continue these types of speeches until the person arguing with me gives up and walks away.
That’s not the best part though. The best thing about being old is I’ll be able to wear anything I want without having to worry about any type of fashion sense. I’ll wear high water coloroid pants, mismatch shoes, and a green shirt. To top it off my belt line will be above my navel. That’s only one outfit. Oh my goodness my clothing selection will be so epically out of style it will become a style to be out of style.
Also when I get old I’m going to surprise a lot of people. I’m going to be that old dude at the park that challenges young whippersnappers to a race… and beat them! If a criminal runs past me I’ll trip them with my cane then use my old man power to subdue them. They wont be able to break out of my death grip because I’ll literally be close to death due to my oldness. It’s near impossible to break away from a dying man. Old people already got one foot in the grave so they have an inhearnt advantage when it comes to any type of struggle. Furthermore, old people *invented* YOLO before that word existed. Life of death situation? Old people don’t give a diddly squat. Old people don’t care about threats. How can someone threaten a person that’s already about to die? Yep, when I get old it will be amazing.
I was always told I’m wise beyond my years. Good Lord, the knowledge I’ll have when I’m old will be near frightening. I’m already a veteran at debating (in my humble opinion). Debating against me as an old man will be down right unfair. I’ll be broken tier smart. I’m not in a hurry to get old but when I get there best believe I will enjoy it.
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